


All in this Together

by Dysphoric_Sun_Prince



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Chan Felix and Minho are Christian, Chan loves marvel, Depression, Felix has internalized Transphobia, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gender Dysphoria, High School, Homophobia, Hyunjin is a trans girl, Jeongin and Seungmin don't really care about religion, Jisung Minho and hyunjin are emos, Jisung has ADHD, Kinda Religious sometimes, Mentioned Day6, Middle School, Platonic Relationships, Reclaimed Slurs, Self Harm, Seungmin is almost emo, The rest are atheist, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, Woojin and chan are big nerds, all of them are trans, dowoon is transgender, none of the ages are accurate, transphobic slurs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-04 03:22:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20464193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dysphoric_Sun_Prince/pseuds/Dysphoric_Sun_Prince
Summary: In which Bang Chan is a high school Senior who's soul responsibility is to adopted every trans kid in the school district.OrTransgender Bang Chan "adopts" seven sons and a daughter





	All in this Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christopher Bang and his pre-parenthood journey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw // talks of religion + transphobia 
> 
> I'm not religious but most of my family is so I know my shit

October 3rd, a beautiful baby girl was born in Sydney, Australia. 

"Oh beautiful flower of Christ, I hope to see you grow into a successful young women," The girl's mom looked from her husband to the new born with intense love. "Christina." 

* * *

Christina Bang.. Thats me. The girl who's parents have big dreams for. The girl who is always strong and reliable. The girl who, though she's only 9, knows one thing for certain.. she doesn't want to be a girl at all. 

I'm very fortunate though, Mom and Dad never force me to act like a girl. The only 'boy' things I'm not allowed to do are cut my hair, join the boy's swim team or boy's church choir.

I know that I should be grateful but here I am, laying awake at 2 am, imagining myself with short hair, swimming with the boys,being called "Chris" instead of "Christina" and being called "He" instead of "She". You're supposed to thank God for what you have before you sleep every night but here I am, complaining about the body that He gave me and wishing I was born a boy. 

Feeling troubled, I sit up and get on my knees to pray. 

"_O God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference; living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardships as a pathway to peace; taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will; so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next. In Jesus' name, Amen." _

It was a prayer Mom taught me to say when I am feeling troubled about things I cannot change or when I'm feeling anxious. I cannot change the fact that I am a girl... or maybe I can't change the fact that I don't want to be a girl. Are these thoughts sinful? Perhaps I should talk to my priest about it this Sunday, no Sunday is too faraway.. I'll talk to Mom or Dad about it tomorrow. 

With that, close my eyes and hope that sleep comes soon. For as far back I can think I can't recall a time in my life in which sleep came easily. Even when I was five years old I would lay in bed for hours trying to will myself to sleep, but my mind never quieted with it's pointless banter.

~~

After school the next day is when I mustered up the courage to tell Mom about these troubling emotions. 

"Hey Mum?" I managed to spit out while we were on our way home. I took the fabric of my shirt between my fingers and messed with it.

"Hmm?" She hummed, taking her eyes of the road long enough to spare a glance at me. 

Why is this so hard to say? It's a simple thing to bring up right?   
'Mum, I don't feel like a girl. Is that sinful?'  
'Hey, can you call me a boy?'  
'Would it be a sin if I don't want to be a girl anymore?'

Will I just sound silly? Will she get mad at me? Will she tell Dad and he'll get mad at me? There are so many possibilities, all of it is so uncertain. I've never gotten her opinions on this matter in the slightest so who knows what her reaction will be.. But at the same time if I don't tell her then I might be miserable like this forever. 

Taking a deep breath, I look over at her and she looks back slightly. 

"I have a question.." Oh boy I'm really doing this. I can taste the sourness of the words in my mouth, it makes me swallow against the ball of anxiety in my throat. "Would-Would it be sinful to.. to uh... to not want to be a girl?" 

A suffocating silence filled the car and suddenly the blurs of vehicles outside of my window seemed very interesting. 

"What do you mean Chrissy, do you not want to be a girl?" She asked me, concern lacing her voice- but other than that her tone was unreadable. 

I don't know why but I felt like crying. A balloon of anxiety was swelling in my chest making every breath unbearable. 

"I mean, yeah.. kinda..." My voice wavered. 

She didn't say anything as we took our usual exit off of the highway and drove into a more suburban area. Tears burned in my eyes but I didn't want to cry right now. 

"Christina..." She paused. "Do you think that you're a boy?"

"Yes." I couldn't muster anything longer than that. 

Mom thought for a moment. "Lets talk about this with Dad, is that okay? Or do you just want a one-on-one for now?"

"I.. I don't know." I mumbled. With out looking at her I spoke up again, "Is it sinful though?" 

"In my eyes, Chrissy, theres nothing wrong with it." She took my hand in hers. "Dad though.. I'm not sure if he'll be okay with it." 

I nodded, it didn't answer my question but it was enough to reassure me a little bit. Mom is on my side and thats very powerful feeling. 

"Can we talk about it one-on-one? So we can think about what to tell Dad?" I asked, making eye contact with her for the first time. 

She nodded, "Of course Chris." 

~~

Our conversation replayed itself over and over as I lie in bed:

_"You're saying that it doesn't feel right when you are called a girl?" _

_"Yeah, also physically being a girl makes me un-uncomfortable." The more I thought about it the more embarrassed I got. This is stupid, oh God help me. _

_"Theres a term for this, do you know it?" _

_There is?! "R-really? What is it?"_

_"It's called being 'transgender'. You're uncle Mark, he's transgender." She looked at me and smiled. "It means that you are uncomfortable being the gender you were assigned at birth. You can get surgery and take some things that will make you feel more comfortable in your body. Do you think you're transgender, sweetheart?" _

_"I-I guess so, I didn't know that there was a word to put to my feelings..." I trailed off, embarrassed. "I don't know, Mum, this is all so confusing." _

_She parked the car at a park a few blocks from our house and took my hand. "Identity can be a confusing thing. Hmm, lets take it slow. Do you want me to call you something other than Christina? Do you want to be called a boy and not a girl?" _

_"Chris, or-or Christopher?" I looked at her for reassurance, it worked. "And yes please, I don't want to be a girl anymore." _

All of this seemed so surreal. This has to be some sort of fever dream. 

I truly am blessed. Thank you God. 

~~

After he came out to his mom, they talked to his dad together. It took some time to get him to see their side but in the end he came around. He referred to Chris as his son and even talked about gender therapy when Chris is old enough.

This was the beginning of a story. The story of a boy named Christopher Bang, who was born into a loving family and came out at age 9. Who was accepted by his family and..mostly.. accepted by his peers. 

Christopher, now 17, makes it his goal before he goes off to college to 'adopt' as many transgender kids as he can. He knowns that the experience that he had is extremely lucky and now wants to help those who are less fortunate. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Character Ages: 
> 
> Chan : 17 (Senior)  
Woojin : 16 (Junior)  
Minho: 15 (Junior)  
Hyunjin : 14 (Freshmen)  
Jisung : 14 (Freshmen)  
Changbin : 13 (8th grade)  
Felix : 12 (7th Grade)  
Seungmin : 12 (7th grade)  
Jeongin : 12 (6th garde)


End file.
